Thoughts About: Modern-day Marriage

We’ve convinced ourselves of a new box we need to fit in, of a modern day house-wife caricature.

I attended a Family Happiness book club last night and participated in a lively discussion around its meaning, prose, characters.

The general consensus, which aligns with the title story, is that romance in marriages fades, and love is what is what is leftover after lust. Maybe I come from a naïve perspective — I’m not married, I’ve been dating my partner for ~3 years — but I’m tired of the narrative that you have to choose: have a successful marriage or be head-over-heels in love, never both.

The majority of those pushing this script were the women in the club. We’ve convinced ourselves of a new box we need to fit in, of a modern day house-wife caricature. Oh, the romance will fade, but loving the kids will take its place. Oh, we’re not hot and heavy anymore, but he’s such a great father.

My takeaway from the novella: I don’t want to have kids if this is the outcome.

It’s a selfish perspective, I currently don’t need to worry about anyone but myself, and I’m told kids change that. I think the bigger problem not addressed here is communication. I won’t succumb to a small-minded framework that even some of my friends follow. You can have both — passion and success — and I won’t settle until that’s true.