Low Tide Notes | 0002

A weekly newsletter written by me, for me. If you like it, even better.

Jan 23, 2026

Good Friday morning! 🌞

My mom’s in town. I’m eating rice out of a bowl three times the size of my head. And I’m finally getting that hot date with my hubby tonight… and another date night on Saturday… with potential to sleep in on Sunday.

Things are looking up!

Thanks mom!

I’m into this whole 10-year look-back trend*

*I know I’m now days behind the virality. Indulge me anyway!

2016 was a formative year for me.

It’s when hopped on a plane from Philly to Australia without knowing a soul. It’s when I let go of warped ideas of happiness (and became less angsty!!). It’s when I learned that 21-year-old Hannah is really freakin’ cool and that she doesn’t need anyone else’s validation.

I don’t care how cliché it sounds, those six months away shaped the person I am today.

So let me reflect on some lessons learned. This will read like a mushy ode to Oz mixed with unaddressed teenage trauma.

Lesson 1: Friendships should build you up, not tear you down. I spent a lot of time in high school feeling anxious trying to figure out why my friends didn’t seem to like me. For example: During my freshman year in college, I got my one nipple pierced — something I thought was cool! and fun! and kind of funny! I came home for winter break and showed my high school friends, who said to me, Why would you only get one? That’s weird. I felt so bad about it that I took it out the next day, only to learn years later, they did the same thing. (This warrants a longer post exploring my confusion in myself then [isn’t that was high school is, tho?]. Poor teenage Hannah and those around her.) I was still trying to make those friendships work when I studied abroad. Being in Australia was the first time I thought about letting go of the relationships that made me feel bad.

Because in Australia, nothing was off limits with my new cohort of gals, and everything was greeted with acceptance and curiosity. I read passages from my Very Personal journal out loud while drinking wine on city steps. I shared poems that I never thought would see the light of day. I talked about my insecurities. I felt, for the first time, the significance of female friendship without judgement. It was so freeing! And it solidified the type of friend I want to be, and the type of friends I want surrounding me. I am so, so, so, so grateful for that time and those girls.
Lesson 2: Relationships don’t need to have so much pressure on them. Through my own doing in middle and high school, I got so involved in church and church camp, that I bought into the notion that God will present to me a husband, and we will get married, because God provides, so everyone I dated, I thought it divine intervention.

Oof! Girl. (I’ve written about this before.)

Australia was the first time I had a purely physical relationship, with my CrossFit coach. My lawd we could not connect on any other level. He didn’t get my humor. He didn’t ask me questions. He was soooo into himself that he printed out pictures of himself working out and hung them above his couch (legit cannot make this up). Yes, this is the guy who had a live-in ex-girlfriend who woke me up one morning threatening to stab me with a knife. But let me tell you, abs for dayssssssss, mami.

On a serious note though, that relationship, if you can call it that, freed me in a multidimensional way. It marked the beginning of my questioning the church and the brainwashed cycle I was in regarding my sexuality and what it means to be human. It added to my “thank u, next” list of men (read: boys) that led me to my now husband. It was a fun, albeit sometimes stressful, endeavor where I questioned what I really wanted for myself.

Freedom! The answer was freedom, to not have everything feel so heavy all the time. I found it then and I still feel it now. Life is beautiful! Each day a gift! Better freakin’ enjoy it.
Me on film by Madi.
Lesson 3: Art can be taken seriously. I grew up loving to read and write, taking artsy photos and browsing tumblr, without really knowing art could be a serious endeavor. Both of my parents are creative, but it felt like sports in our household got rewarded, so I focused my attention there.

Then I met Madi on our layover in LA before we flew to Melbourne. I found her energy captivating, and so did the rest of Australia. She had a film camera. She didn’t shave her armpits. She was unapologetically herself, and that intimidated me — and I wanted it for myself.

I also met Brenna, who’s now an executive at Amazon Prime studios. Brenna told me my writing is beautiful. She introduced me to frothy ocean marble, you know, that color at the top of a wave just before it breaks? She was so articulate yet so light. Brenna taught me a lot about confidence in my art. She also had a film camera.

Sarah played the trumpet? And busked on the streets of Melbourne? And is now a brain surgeon? Amy also went to Brown like Sarah and was so smart and well read, and I came home very early one morning to find her sleeping on a bench outside our house because she wanted to watch the stars. Sabra was my CrossFit buddy and felt so free. Elana, a playwright, and I got to know each other on our spring break trip up to Cairns. Everyone had a creative outlet that they took as seriously as their career pursuits, or as their career pursuits themselves.

A switch flicked then, and I started to focus on my writing. Study abroad made me put more effort into my collegiate output. I figured, let me give this writing thing a real shot.

Now here I am, writing a Substack to you. Did it work??

Study abroad is also when I started analyzing what I consume. Brenpal made us watch this music video, and highlighted it was shot in one take, something I wouldn’t have ever noticed or cared about had it not been for her passion for film.

Things I liked listening to this week

An I.V.F. Mix-Up and an Impossible Choice, The Daily. I literally don’t know what I would do in this situation and I am gut wrenched at even thinking about it.
La Colombe Coffee Roasters (2020), How I Built This. I spent a lot of time writing in the La Colombe in Wicker Park in Chicago; I’m brand loyal! Also, love the Philly roots.
Jennette McCurdy: Half His Age, Call Her Daddy. “I’m Glad My Mom Died” was a memorable memoir, and I enjoyed this conversation with Alex Cooper, who I think is one of the best interviewers of our time.
Michelle Obama: We Still Go High, Call Her Daddy. I loveeee Michelle’s perspective on motherhood, starting at minute 56. Being a working mom, we can’t do it all, and that’s OK. Something I need to remind myself almost every minute of every day since Joan was born.
- (Also, how did Alex Cooper not win the Golden Globe for best podcast?? Amy Poehler did?? I have a huge distaste for celebrity podcasts. Sure, they can get good guests on, but it usually stops there. Interviewing is an art. Alex Cooper 4vr!!)

Until next time

When maybe I’ll write about Mad Men for real. Although I’ll leave you with this clip that pretty much sums up my feelings about the show’s commentary on women’s roles then and now. Don’t mind the subtitles.

(If you watch the show and then listen to the Michelle Obama pod above, you’ll question, what’s changed?!)